Random, disappointing observation

So, after seeing The Happening with my wife and my good friend Dale Emery, I drove home, stopping at the Colonial Heights library on Stockton Boulevard on the way. I was listening to Dreams from my Father, by Barack Obama, and feeling very proud of myself for being a liberal Democrat who supports an African American for President, and feeling very pleased that we live in a day and age when an African American finally has a shot at becoming President.

I was stopped at a red light, and I heard a shout to the left. I looked over and saw a black kid shouting and waving at someone. Then he started running into the street. Toward my car. And my first thought was, "Oh crap," and I immediately moved to lock my car doors before reason took over and I stopped myself. The kid ran across the street, and caught up with his friends.

Would I have reacted the same if it had been a white kid? I asked myself that question and I seriously thought about it, and I had to admit, to my shame, that my reaction would very likely have been different. I’m disappointed that even though I was brought up to believe that racism is wrong and went to schools where we were taught the same thing and to churches where we were taught that racism is a sin, it’s still in me. I’m glad that I have the self-consciousness to see it when it rears up, but it’s annoying that it does.

I guess overcoming racism or sexism or any other -ism just isn’t as easy as we would like it to be. Cleaning these flaws out of your character is a bit like cleaning your kitchen, I guess. Just as soon as you think you’ve got all the dishes rinsed and in the dishwasher and the counters are all wiped down, you find a glob of peanut butter spilled on the floor, or some crud baked on to the stainless steel between the burners on your cooktop. It’s a stupid analogy and it would work better if you assumed that you were suffering from OCD and trying to constantly deal with the mess in your kitchen, but you get the point.

And now I worry that I’ve perpetuated bad stereotypes against people who suffer from OCD.

The struggle never ends.

And it's over.

The worst part was what happened to Pat Robertson, who came to California to berate us, telling us that the zombies had attacked us because we had given gays the right to marry and then done the same for the zombies. He had drawn a huge crowd of conservatives and family rights folks to his speech, and the place was full before the zombies attacked. Seriously. It was scary. It was practically overflowing with drooling, shambling, lurching, brain-eating monsters; and when the zombies attacked it was even worse.

But then around midnight, the zombies started to leave. It was almost kind of anticlimactic. One moment, there’s a zombie munching on your favorite mechanic’s femur; the next, he’s shuffling and lurching away. As of about 3:00 it was official: the zombies are leaving.

No one seems to know why the undead are vacating California, but they are, leaving the state a ruin of what it once was, leaving all of us to pick up the pieces. Reports say that they are streaming along Highway 80 and gathering at the eastern border; but, as I said, no one knows why.

I have a theory though.

My theory is that, having gotten what they wanted in California, the zombies are gathering to start making their way eastward to fight for equal rights in other states. California was the first to fall to the undead political action committees, and I fear that Nevada might be left. Then probably Minnesota. Then the rest of the states. They’ll probably skip Oklahoma, though, because no one wants to be in Oklahoma, even if they are dead.

Will there be political consequences to yesterday’s events? Who can say? I think there will be a significant shift in the makeup of the state’s two legislative bodies, especially given the fact that zombies, being itinerant corpses, really don’t have voting rights, yet they were given special rights by the state. I know that when November rolls around, I, for one, will vote accordingly.

Give 'em an inch…

Aw crap!

The zombies got too much. They’ve become emboldened by their victory in the California State Legislature and Assembly, and now they’re walking the streets! People are being attacked, dragged to the ground, eaten in ways that are just so typically zombie.

I can hear the conservative commentators chortling away on the radio even as I type this. "Everyone who laughed at the ‘undead agenda’?" they say. "Well, who’s laughing now? AAARRRGHHH!"

If you’re still out there, able to read this, then heed this warning: STAY AWAY FROM CALIFORNIA! Not only are the dead walking the earth, killing people and eating their brains, but they’re doing so with LEGAL SANCTION! There’s nothing we can do about it! I just saw our neighbor chased down, dragged to the ground, and eaten, her brains spurting out all over the front of her house like strawberry jam squirting out of a jelly doughnut. I can’t tell you how horrible it was to see! My God it was like Limbaugh going after a bottle of Oxycontin!

Remember, people… If you give rights to minorities, THEY WILL COME BACK AND EAT YOUR BRAINS!!!

We should have listened to Michelle Malkin.

Good luck, everyone who’s left. Try to hold on to the remnants of civilization as the undead armies march across the face of the earth…