After long intense meetings with the Governor, the California Assembly and Legislature have passed legislation recognizing the rights of metabolically challenged Americans everywhere to marry, vote, and enjoy all the rights that other Americans have as well.
Victory for humanity, alive and otherwise, everywhere? Or sure sign of the apocalypse?
There are of course those who say that acknowledging the rights of undead Americans minimizes the value of rights held by living Americans, cheapening what we have and enjoy. What’s the point of having the rights of the living, they say, if those same rights can be enjoyed by the walking dead? These people argue that the citizens of California should be allowed to vote on the issue. But do we really get to vote on whether some people have rights that we enjoy? Isn’t the Constitution in place specifically to avoid that sort of thing?
Predictably, the Concerned Family Values Coalition of the Living is promising to put the issue on the November ballot.
In the meantime, though, zombies are wandering the streets of Sacramento, celebrating as much as they can. I can almost hear them through the window, crying out celebratory excalamations of "BRAIIIINSS!!!"