From the Columbia Chronicle:  "Secret Service investigates Santanic [sic] Vampire".  I’m not entirely sure what to make of the headline; all I can figure is that certain Latin rock musicians are recruiting legions of the undead to violently influence the political process.  With "Likens", no less.

But law professor Neil Richards makes the most important point, I think: "[I]f he’s a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldn’t he want to bite the president and feed on him?"  Yeah, that’s right.  Suck it, fang boy.