Today, I offer evidence that there is no IQ requirement necessary to owning a modem and a computer. Well, actually, that evidence is already quite abundant: just look at the fact that the Internet is riddled with all sorts of websites offering, for example, “proof” that the Holocaust never occurred; or “proof” that man never landed on the moon and that the moon landing were all faked. Or simply look at the vast array of racist, sexist, homophobic sites that litter the Internet like piles of dog shit on a nice green lawn. True, the Internet is a great democracy, and anyone can create a website and spew their baggage… but, still, it frightens, disturbs, and annoys me that there are people who find it necessary to encumber the rest of us with their own stupidity.
On the other hand, there are those few brilliant entities out there whose intelligence and wit make the Internet a true delight to surf through. I offer, for example, the individual whose nickname is apparently “wuss buster” at an obscure website called “Fagbusters.com“. Wuss Buster signed my guestbook recently, advising that I was a whiny loser who was so pathetic that I thought people would read my journal all the time and that I should get a life.
The thing that frustrates me about gurus like Wuss Buster and other masters of True Enlightenment is that the rest of us cannot really aspire to their level without years of frustrating work and meditation. A Zen guru who wishes to achieve Enlightenment must meditate for decades and purge herself of all desire to reach her goal. And aspiring to the enlightenment of one as pure as Wuss Buster must involve years of mind-numbing rituals designed to purify the soul of intellect and the careful cultivation of a fine sense of resentment against the world, and particularly against those of a perceived higher intelligence.
I really don’t have the patience to do it. And Wuss Buster, like a true guru of enlightenment, failed to offer any specific instructions on how to achieve his level of enlightenment.
Wuss Buster’s insight into my own personality are simply too astounding to believe. For example: I thought that I was writing my journal primarily for my own amusement — oh, sure, I’d like to have a few readers from time to time, it’s kind of fun — but I’d probably do it even if there weren’t any other readers. That’s what I thought. Wuss Buster implies that my journal is a cry for friendship or something like that. Actually, I have no idea what Wuss Buster is really trying to say, so he must either be an enlightened guru or an average-level schlep who simply has no idea what he’s talking about. Guess which one I pick.
Wuss Buster also presents to me the fact that I need to “get a life”. While I’ve been under the impression that I’m generally happy with the life I have, I guess I really need to go out and get a new one. Unfortunately, as with true Masters, Wuss Buster did not enlighten me as to how to go about this, which pretty much renders his advice useless. I feel very sad. No, really. I’m sure I do.
The evidence for intelligent life on the Internet truly is astounding, isn’t it?
Oh, Wuss Buster also mentions that he is “surprised that anyone wants to be in your vacinity[sic]”. I’m not usually impressed by moronic schleps who don’t know what they’re talking about and who can’t be bothered to spell correctly when they’re trying to insult me, but since Wuss Buster is a guru of high enlightenment, I suppose I must ponder this one as well. All I can come up with in response is a sort of sad pathos for all of my friends and family and co-workers who seem to quite enjoy being in my “vacinity”. These are people who need to be enlightened as well.
Obviously, Wuss Buster has a lot of work to do to enlighten the masses.
On a sad and related note, Wuss Buster’s entries in my guestbook have all apparently been deleted, and his (or her — mustn’t discount the fact that Wuss Buster may be a woman) IP address has been blocked from signing my guestbook in the future. I admit that this could probably be fixed, but I’m too lazy and unenlightened to do it. My only regret is that I can only block one IP address at a time, so if Wuss Buster connects through a DHCP server he may feel encouraged to enlighten me again.
Oh, and on yet another note, I’ve gone to Fagbusters.com to get more information about Wuss Buster and his brand of enlightenment, but the website seems to be a European website dedicated to the sale of cheap cigarettes. I guess some mysteries are simply beyond me for good.