A few years ago I read an article about how the larger a creature gets, the less it is able to maintain its structural integrity; the volume of a creature cubes as its surface area squares. In other words, the bigger, the heavier. Take an ant, make it a thousand times bigger, and its legs will have to become a lot stronger, proportionately, to handle its increased weight. This is called scaling, and it’s mathematically complicated, and it boils down to one basic point: land animals can only get so large before they become unstable and collapse under their own weight. This is why the biggest animals are in the oceans and not on the land.

Too bad no one schooled the creature that emerged from the Sacramento River in this basic academic concept.

I feel like I’m being inappropriately academic. It’s because I’m a bit on the panicky side, and when I get on the panicky side I get wordy. There are some who say that I’m wordy anyway, but that’s just me. And I digress.

Okay. Here it is.

This thing came out of the Sacramento River. It stands probably fifty feet tall and is estimated to weigh several tons, according to the news reports I’ve seen. God, how did it even fit into the river? Where did it come from? Not much is known about this thing. It looks like a cross between a squid and a Jerusalem cricket. It looks like it grew inside a deep cave in the ocean. It’s completely black, and looking at it is like looking into a giant shadow. And the main thing it loves to do is destroy things. It flails its limbs around and smashes them into buildings, smashes cars and other structures. The Tower Bridge is destroyed. Most of Old Sacramento is in flames. Smoke fills the skies. And the roars of the creature can be heard everywhere. I can’t find any pictures of the thing, and I’m certainly not going to try to get close enough to snap a photograph of my own.

Sirens have been blaring all day. An hour or so ago the helicopters began flying overhead, and the government seems to have given up on any discretion as they fire bombs and missiles at the thing. I just looked out onto the highway and saw a convoy of the National Guard or some other branch of the military driving past.

We’ve just heard that Sacramento is to be evaucuated, so I’ll probably be updating this by mobile phone for the rest of the day. I just hope this day doesn’t end like the end of Cloverfield, with a huge battery of bombs being dropped on this thing, and talk of atomic weapons. Let’s hope they can stop it before then.

I’ve also heard rumors about other parts of the country.