Saturday:

Dear Diary,

Today I mostly just sat around talking with people. Though I knocked off a couple of spies in my lair, I wasn’t very successful at detonating the unexploded bombs in France with the mad cows. I almost finished, though.

Then I got a call summoning me to San Francisco so I could help with surveillance while a CIA director met with a representative for the People’s Liberation Army of China. They were going to discuss the problem of the Tcho-tchos in China and the United States. Turned out the Tcho-Tchos were smuggling drugs to fund their secret cult activities up in Washington. We went up to Washington where we met their ancient god. We barely managed to banish it back to its home dimension. Poor Danler lost his head. Literally.

Sunday:

Dear Diary,

Rough day so far. The invasion of Dork Tower went well, but lunch took a long time. Fortunately, the sushi was free.

(Later…)

Rose from the dead, and spent a few hours working in a fast food restaurant. I hate having to share my brain with the other employees.

(Later…)

Saved the world from the spreading darkness of Sauron. Frodo helped.

(Later…)

(Later…)

Those hillbillies (or, as I like to call this particular clan, the "hellbillies") can be rough when they’ve summoned a star vampire….