I have CNN breaking news alerts sent as text messages to my cell phone (I started receiving them back in 2002, when the US invasion of Iraq was looking inevitable — you know, when Bush was saying that he was going to look for a diplomatic solution).  The one that just came through says that Paris Hilton was sent back to jail, and was dragged screaming out of the courtroom.

Regardless of what you think about our culture’s obsession with celebrity, or about Paris Hilton’s original sentence, the later commuting of that sentence, and subsequent… uh… de-commuting (which I’m not even sure is legal, even when the de-commute-ee is an obnoxious celebrity), don’t you find it odd that this news seems so important that it overshadows news reports that, for example, various EU countries knew about secret US prisons?  Or the latest Europe/Russia missile crisis?  Very odd indeed.

Based on this observation, my boss has concocted a theory that Paris Hilton is a CIA operative.  Her mission is to distract and spread misinformation, and the level of distraction she provides is so astounding it can only be the result of a government plot; an international conspiracy, perhaps.

I believe that this is a valid rumor, one that needs to be spread far and wide.  So I’m starting it here.  I expect you all to keep it going.  So spread the word:  Paris Hilton is a CIA spook.