People are still blogging like it’s the end of the world, and that’s perfectly appropriate, though I personally got zombified a couple of hours ago and my narrative self is presumably wandering the fields of Dixon, looking for fresh flesh to munch on.  This kind of participatory narrative is fun to be a part of, and I’m glad I got in early.  I wonder if there’s any way of knowing how many people actually took part in the whole affair?  I pity Steve, over at My Elves are Different, who came up with the whole idea, but who also tasked himself with tracking everything and posting updates.

This post from Art Black was probably my favorite in its elegant simplicity.

I’m glad that a couple of people took up the idea that the zombie outbreak was due to infected produce originating from my home town.  That was cool; if only we could blame all the world’s problems on mutant corn smut.  A quick observation, though: in the storyline I’d started, there was actually no corn smut, it was just me in denial and pretending that the spatters of blood and bits of flesh I was seeing on the cornfields after the zombie migrant workers had gone on a rampage were a new type of fungus (I was originally going to go with ergot, then discovered that ergot doesn’t infect corn and doesn’t look as ugly anyway, though it has some really interesting hallucinagenic properties).  I mean, seriously: zombiegeddon or mutant corn smut? Which would you want to believe?  I was going to reveal this self deception later on, but people had already run with it so I didn’t.  That was fun.

I also noticed that several people blamed the zombie apocalypse on "unknown necrotizing fasciitis".  Heck, that one made it onto the Something Awful forums, and from there to Digg (though it never made it on to the Digg front page).  I’m going to go out on a limb and say I can legitimately take responsibility for that with this, my first post on the theme.  I did a little digging and found a post that mentions "unknown necrotizing fasciitis" and linked to my post (though I’ve lost it now).  Therefore I take full responsibility for linking the zombie outbreak with "unknown necrotizing fasciitis", or UNF, or "Crawford’s Disease".  Because I’m an egocentric schmuck that way, and will ignore any evidence that might contradict my thesis.  I just hope that Steve remembers this when he gathers up the best outbreak reporting in a couple of days.  Hint.  (Note: I kid. Seriously, I do.)

I also note that my site had over 500 unique visitors today, and almost 1,100 pageviews.  I think that’s more traffic than I’ve gotten over the past two months!

I asked over at My Elves are Different whether I can participate next year, and was told that apparently I’ve gone into complete remission, which I guess means yes.  Huzzah!

I had lots of thoughts about how the whole thing reflects certain cultural trends not just in the US but throughout the world, and how this participatory narrative (I love that phrase and will use it repeatedly from now on) captures and defines certainly elements of the "zombie (or ghoul) canon", but I’ll spare you those thoughts for now.

For those still taking part, keep going! I’m watching and learning and getting ready for the next zombiegeddon…

ETA: I’ve compiled all my entries from today into one spot.  Arranged in chronological order, even!  It’s all right here!

Coffee.  Lots and lots and lots of coffee.  The caffeine and the albuterol (lots and lots of that, too) seem to be shoving the neurons back to life for a bit.  But anyway it’s time to stop kidding myslf.

Jennifer’s on her way home now. I hope to god she makees it.  Bt I wont be here because I’m leaving the house so she cna be safe when she gets herr. In case she doesnt Ive done the follwing:

1. Cleaned out the cats littr boxxswe.

2. Put waterr into several large bowls so they have drinking watr. I also left the taps on but who knows how long they’l last..

3. poured the bag of dry cat food on the flor in the librry so the cats have access to the food

4. put out lots of goohsy food.

If Jenffrer doesnt come home, somone pleas come and see to the catss.  Theyyy shoul,d  be fine and mbyye Jan’s right and they are are salvation

Okay I’m going outside now and ging to get as fr as I can frm the house befor the worttst happens.

I love you Jennifer

bye

an intresting report from Kennedy Space centr.  No news on nukes.

Man I could realy go for som sushi now.

im tying to get information about whats going on in our area. Dixons gne, I think. Maybe. I was going to driv em my car and get suplies, btu my car’s outside and i"D hav eo =to go past a bunch of zombie s to get to it. So I’m staying here.. but the local newspapr websites are all donw. So’s the Sacramento Bee websti s all i have are ruurmrs and stufff frm local blogs

Heere we go.

I’ve heard nothing form Woodland, but it seemms by friend there got to Davis and he/s stuck theer n his chem lab. I don’t know if hes’ okay.

There have been protest s at UC Davis for a mnht or so from employees of a company clled Sodexho that want to work for the University itself instead of being contractorers. Protestors were taken ovr by zobmbies and are tryng to breake into Mrak hall. Plus the camus is overrun by "an army of zombie ducks". Sucks to be a clericla emplye on campus today.

Not much from Sacrrmantoe, but theeres’ a big plume of msmoke ovr to the east of our house, nd I thinkm Sacrmanto’s gone. I heard a rumor that the government might try a nuclear strike on some places. Maybe sacramento was one, bu t wouldn’t I have felt it? I also heard that Gov Schwarzenegger was going to go fihthg the zombies hand to hand. Anyone know what happened theer?

My arms’ gne numb now, whic h is better than the burning and itchig and pain, but not much. I think I’m gong to throw up. But man, I could go for some suhsi.

Oh, and this isnt a lcocal update, but my friend Betsy erports that there are zombie gotas in her neighborhood as wel. At least tha’s kind of funny.

ETA: My frned in Davis has an excitig tale of survival in Davis. Sounds lik there are a couple of errefguee camps ther but maybe you shoulld avoid it antwzay.

sorry everyne.  I fell asleep on my keyboar.d  I didnt mena t freak anyone out.

Okay, yeah, its zombiesl.  Fine, i believ it now.  i gess I was just scared.  But now i’m watching Slither, which is oen of my favoitre movies.  Makes me lauh everyt time I see it.

Som e other sutff thats’ come up. Zombies all ov er Dixon now.  The cats a re avoiding me; even Checkers, who never leaves the office, is hiding from me downstars.  Im not leting it get to me, thogh because i’m used to beign shunned by cats.

Apaarently, the Canadain govnemrnt is to blame.  Who’dv’e htought?

heads pojudngin now.   I took like a whole bottle of advl, and i think my liver’s gonig to pay for that. The bite on my arm is startng to necroztize, and I dont have any extra antibiotics in the house.  I’m pretty sure I won’t be turninng nto a zombie, though.  But if it starts to hapen I’l leave the house so that Jennfifer can come get the cats.s

Need to hit my nebulizer.  This shits’ going to my lungs.

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God, my arm where that guy bit me this morning is really burning.  I keep running cold water on it and lathering it with NeoSporin and a cortisone cream, but nothing helps.  It’s driving me crazy.  I’ve got an ice pack on it now which makes it hard to type but at least makes the burning sensation bearable.  My head is pounding, too.  I just took 800 mg of both Ibuprofin and Tylenol.  I can’t get through to the advice line at my health insurance company; the line’s continually busy.

There are more of those drunks wandering around on the streets.  Okay, let’s call them zombies, since everyone else is.  One of our neighbors broke out a shotgun and has been gunning them down.  I’ve tried calling the cops and the sheriff, even the highway patrol, but none of the emergency responders are responding.  I’m not going out there.  I just hope that when all this is over things can get back to normal.

The one guy is still outside in our back yard.  Neighborhood cats have been snacking on him.  That’s just sick.  None of the zombies seem interested in the cats on the streets, though, which I suppose is a good thing.  For the cats.

I really want to go lie down for a bit, but this project is kicking my ass.  I really want to get it done.

So, to distract myself, I’m playing some music real loud.  Tom Waits, which seems appropriate under the circumstances.

D1sc0r0b0t wonders what people would listen to if the apocalypse were nigh.  So I’m also posing the question.  What would you listen to?  Or, if you are convinced that this is really Z-day, what’s playing on your stereo or iPod right now?

• Jonathan Coulton is one of my favorite singer/songwriters.  Today I’ve got his song "Re: Your Brains" stuck on demon-loop in my head.  I’m feeling kind of queasy, probably because of the fight in the back yard this morning, hence the headache and the demon loop music.  I called my health insurance provider’s advice line and they said to wash the spot where I was bitten with hot water and Neosporin and get to a hospital as soon as they start taking people at the ER again.  WTF?  Anyway, here’s the video for the song, which is brilliant:
• Corn and other produce with the new strain of corn smut has apparently made its way to North Carolina.
• It didn’t take long for the LOLZombies to show up.

I heard that Washington D.C. has been silent all day.  Right after the Democrats took back control of Congress, too.  That sucks.  But all I can think of is that quote from Lisa Simpson:  "The dead are rising!  And they’re voting Republican!"

I can’t help but worry about my friends in the theater.  Is this the end of zombie Shakespeare?

The Redneckification of Dixon continues.

Back in April, voters in Dixon defeated a series of measures which would have allowed Magna Entertainment to build a horse race track in Dixon (I liked that Magna spent thirty times more on the "Yes" campaign than the opposition, and still got defeated).  We’ve already got a WalMart and more check cashing / cash advance storefronts than we really need, so what do we need a horse race track for?

But the process continues.  The city’s Fourth of July celebration this year will not just be a one day affair, but a four day long extravaganza featuring tractor pulls, monster truck rallies, freestyle motocross, and a demolition derby!  Yeeha!

And to top it off, the drunks wandering the streets this morning.

No, really.  All I can figure is that they got pissed at the dive downtown and got lost and started wandering around the streets, and even made it into the suburbs.  There was a guy in our back yard this morning shuffling around and moaning.  I think he must have knocked the head off of one of the sprinklers, because half our lawn is soaked in water; seriously, it’s like a lake down there.  I called the police, but there was no response at the station, which is peculiar.  So I tracked down the number for the Solano County sheriff.  Again, no response.  I have a friend who’s a cop in Vacaville; I’ll try to get in touch with him today and see what he has to say about it.

Anyway, I opened the window and shouted at the drunk guy to get off our property, but he refused to.  Just stood there moaning and swaying.  He looked like death, too; skin all clammy and pale, and covered in mud.  All I can figure is that he wandered into our back yard and stood on the lawn when the sprinklers went off.  Then he kicked the sprinkler head off and now he’s a wet drunk, and a stupid one at that.

My wife and I are good liberals, so we have nothing in our house that can serve as a weapon of any sort.  Sure, we’ve got the dry stone flowerbed in our back yard, made of stones that we set together without mortar, so if our house is ever invaded I can run out back and grab bricks to throw at people, but we have no guns and no baseball bats.  And because we’re getting ready to move, we’ve already packed away our swords and daggers, which are largely decorative anyway.

The point is, when I went outside to confront this guy I went unarmed. I told him to get off our property, but he didn’t say anything, just stood there and moaned at me.

The rest is kind of a blur.  Suffice to say, I went up to him and he attacked me.  I haven’t been in a fight since grade school, so I was clumsy and uncoordinated, and he got in a couple of good scrapes and even bit me on the arm.  That’s when I kind of went nuts and grabbed one of the bricks from the flowerbed; I picked it up in both hands and brought it down hard on his forehead.  There was this awful crunch and he fell over backwards.  And then I threw up.

Needless to say, I’m going to stay and work from home today because of this.  I am going to keep trying to get in touch with the police, because, well, this is a homicide even if it’s in self defence.  I’ve never killed anyone before, and it sucks.  Jennifer went to work as normal.

Police and sheriff’s offices still aren’t responding to calls, and the local news stations aren’t showing anything useful, though CNN has apparently become the George Romero channel.  I’ll let y’all know if I get in touch with any of the authorities.  There was apparently some sort of ruckus in Woodland last night, so maybe that’s where all the cops are.  Hard to think of Woodland as a hotbed of rioting, though.

Good luck, y’all.  I have the feeling this is going to be a long day.

But just to make one thing perfectly clear: there are no zombies.