No Name Required

If you know me, then chances are good that you know the person I’m going to write about. If you don’t know me, or if you don’t know the person I’m writing about, than I hope that someday you get to meet him, or someone like him.

There are very few Good Men ™ in the world. There are a lot of liars and cheaters and bullies in the world, and a lot of assholes and a lot of know-it-alls. And there aren’t many who are as lucky as I am to be friends with one of those few. Right now, my friend — one of the true Good Men in the world — is going through a really tough time in his life. It’s testing his strength, his faith, his depth of feeling.

I’ve known him for close to eight years, and I consider myself blessed to have him for a friend. I’ve never known him to be dishonest or duplicitous or deceitful. In the time that I’ve known him he’s shown what a thoughtful, considerate, and selfless person he can be. I’ve seen him drop everything at a moment’s notice to help out a friend in need. I’ve seen him go to tremendous lengths to bring a moment of happiness to someone that he loves. I’ve seen his loyalty and his honesty. I’ve never known him to be two-faced at all, saying nice things to a person’s face and then badmouthing them behind their back.

I’ve seen the depths of his feelings. I’ve seen him so full of joy that he could barely speak, and it was so infectious that I couldn’t help but share it; and I’ve seen him so deep in despair that you know his heart is broken. Very few people can feel that deeply or share it so well.

He’s funny as hell; anyone who knows him knows that he can tell a story about buying socks at Wal-Mart and have you laughing til your sides split. He’s brilliant — one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, who can remember just about everything he’s read and apply it to whatever situation he’s currently in. And he’s probably the most creative person I’ve ever met, which is saying a lot: he has a gift for storytelling that I’ve haven’t seen matched in anyone else, and his capacity of world building is tremendous.

He’s had setbacks and letdowns. Who hasn’t? He has faults and shortcomings; on the other hand, I’ve seen him expend tremendous energy over the past year to overcome many of his own faults and his own shortcomings, and he’s demonstrated a tenacity that I can only stand in awe of.

And right now he’s in a lot of pain, probably feeling unloved and unworthy. All I can say about my friend is this: if I were to walk through the darkest depths of Hell, he is the only man I would want to walk beside me.

Perl and Me

Prologue: Yesterday, in my Live Journal, giddy with excitement over having finished a major project, I wrote, “Perl is my bitch.” I should have known better.

Me: Okay, Perl, let’s get busy. Yesterday we figured out how to move files from one server to another one file at a time. Today let’s work out how to move more than one at a time.

Perl: Okay.

Me: So, let’s do it. Here, move these files.

Perl: Nope.

Me: Please?

Perl: Nope.

Me: Okay, let’s try another approach.

Perl: Uh uh.

Me: C’mon, I’ll give you a nice little upgrade if you work with me on this.

Perl: I refuse.

Me: What?

Perl: You heard me. Fuck this, I’m going to take a nap.

Me: No, you can’t! We’re on a deadline! This was supposed to be done yesterday!

Perl: Yawn. Like I care.

Me: You bastard! Okay, here, have a major code rewrite!

Perl: Oh, neat. Watch me crash.

Me: NO!!

Perl: In fact, I think I’ll take all these files with me!

Me: You’re kidding!

Perl: Yeah, I’m just kidding.

Me: Oh, thank God.

Perl: Bwah ha ha haaa!! I wasn’t kidding!! Watch those files evaporate into electronic mist!

Me: Hah! I have those files backed up on our old development server! Nice try!

Perl: Oh, poop.

Me: Okay, I’ll pull out a majority of your code base and replace it with something I know works. Try that on for size!

Perl: Clunk.

Me: Um. Oops.

Perl: Clunk.

Me: Oh, come on! Let go of those files!

Perl: Don’t want to. They’re mine, all mine. I’ve done a total permissions change on them and now you can’t touch them!

Me: Oh my god.

Perl: Who’s the bitch now?