Halloween is almost here, which means that in addition to the ghouls and zombies and mass murderers and aliens, the politicians are slowly crawling out of the woodwork to start peddling themselves as somehow "qualified" to lead the nation. Even though the election is still over a year away, there are still plenty of reasons to be afraid: Mitt Romney, Hilary Clinton, Rudy Giulani, Ron Paul, Mike Gravel, Jon Edwards, and more. Barack Obama doesn’t scare me as much as most of the others, but I still believe that Douglas Adams said it best: anyone who is actually capable of getting themselves elected President should under no circumstances be allowed to have the job — unfortunately, though, there seems to be no other way of getting a willing person into the position.
There are, however, a couple of candidates I’m willing to support, for several reasons.
First of all, there’s Bruce Campbell. While there has yet to be an official "Bruce Campbell for President" site established on the web, a Google query on the phrase ‘Bruce Campbell for President" still yields quite a few results. For the past few years, our nation has been engaged in a war on terror, but the average American is actually more likely to be attacked by a zombie or a reanimated corpse possessed by some sort of hellbound demon than by a terrorist (no matter what the Department of Homeland Security says), and no one is more qualified to take the Deadite threat head on than Bruce. Since Ash isn’t a real person, we can at least settle for The Chin. (By the way, has anyone else heard about a possible Jason vs. Freddy vs. Ash film? I think it’s a fine idea; Universal has been throwing monsters at each other since the Wolfman met Frankenstein’s Monster in 1939.)
However, if current trends toward autocracy and authoritarianism are more to your taste, you might want to consider voting for General Zod. He, at least, will be an honest despot. Some might think that Lex Luthor would be a better choice with his business acumen, but Zod has a stronger record of intergalactic tyranny.
Who else would be your choice? Personally, I’m going to recommend Bruce Campbell. But this is a free country, and we have historically gotten the Presidents that we deserve.