Why I don't read much modern urban fantasy

Some may complain that I’m not being totally fair. Well, in all fairness, this sort of dynamic permeates every fiction genre, so I’m not being exclusionary at all (if you don’t believe me, go hang out with some horror authors sometime… or even worse, a passle of science fiction authors, and then ask them “So, which of you is the real science fiction author?”).

A: I’m an urban fantasy author!

B: You are? Me too! Aren’t we awesome? Let’s blog together!

A: Squee! Yes, we truly are awesome! Let’s congratulate each other on our pure awesomeness in our cowritten blog as we deride anyone who isn’t as awesome as we are!

B: That sounds like fun, as long as you remember than I am more awesome than you!

A: No way, I’m totally more awesome than you are!

B: Don’t be silly, I write about sex.

A: Well, I’m more awesome than you because I write about vampires!

C: Hey, I write about vampire sex! And sex with vampires!

B: ZOMGBBQSUPERCOOLSQUEE! Wow, I have to totally worship you now! Vampires and sex! A dying and boring cliche which I totally love! Come join our blog!

A: C can join our blog but I’m not being worshipped as much as I was before so now I’m going to go start my own blog where other people will totally see and appreciate my pure awesomeness unlike you guys.

B: Well, A’s left the TOTALLYAWESOMESQUEEVAMPIRESEXURBANFANTASYBLOG but we still totally love her and she’s way awesome (if kind of lame because she doesn’t put sex in her vampire scenes like I do and it was totally me and C’s just copying me). Aren’t I awesome?

C: Yes you are (even if you can’t write a sex scene to save your pathetic little soul, you vamp wannabe). And so am I! Let’s congratulate each other on our awesomeness!

A: Hi! Welcome to the TOTALLYAWESOMESQUEEWEREWOLFSEXURBANFANTASYBLOG which is way more awesome than that “other” blog which I will no longer associate with because they’re totally awesome losers.

…and so on.

Really, if certain people would accept that The Solitude of the Tentacled Space Monster is urban fantasy, just without vampires or elves or sex, then we’d get along just fine.